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a quote from my favorite author

“The most solid advice, though, for a writer is this, I think: Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep, really to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive, with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell, and when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough.”

-William Saroyan, The Daring Young Man on the Flying Trapeze

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

I'm Not Going to Lie


The transition from school to summer is always a rough one for me.  I tend to slam from doing it all to doing none of it because I am in desperate need of a break.  It takes me a few weeks to strike up a good balance.  However, I’m not going to lie…the transition from school to spring break has been a breeze!

So far, I have gone to the Chicago FIRE meet the team event to acquaint myself with new players and fall in love with the team (being kind of new to the whole sports-fan thing, I have not fully accepted that players come and go).  I have finished two fabulous books (Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close and Because of Mr. Terupt).  I have participated in one shopping marathon at the nearest outlet mall (during which I helped a friend spend a fortune, while I practiced some budget-induced shopping restraint and still managed to get some really awesome pieces). 

I am not going to lie, though—I miss my classroom.  I have been more and more disenchanted with the system in which I work, but my passion for the work I do in my classroom has not waned (in fact, if anything it has grown so far beyond the walls of my classroom that I can’t contain it there any longer).  I thought during break I would be avoiding work at all costs, but I found myself up early this morning planning the details for our school-wide acknowledgement of National Poetry Month. 

During yesterday’s shopping marathon, I fully intended to search for an interview suit.  I plan to need this suit to interview for some position that will be the “more” I am searching for in my life.  But, when it came down to committing to selecting a suit, my heart was not in it.  My heart was still in my classroom. 

I told myself that it was just that I didn’t want to get a suit and jinx things.  I told myself that when I need a suit, I know where I can go to find one.  I told myself that I just hadn’t come across the “right” suit. 

Maybe those things are all true.  But maybe something else is truer—I am not entirely ready to let go of the safety and familiarity of my current classroom.

8 comments:

  1. Disenchantment--there seems to be a lot of that going around lately! And I do think your last sentence is telling--maybe you need to process what is going on right now in your system. Maybe you need to be there for now as a driving force for positive change.

    On the bright side--SPRING BREAK! We don't have a break until Easter. And boy will I need it to get through the remaining weeks of school!

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  2. Sounds like a good spring break so far and it's only Tuesday. Take the time to figure out what is best for you. Your reflective thoughts will guide you to what your heart needs. Good luck!

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  3. It does sound as if you've done so many things already, along with some reflection for the future. It's such a challenge to leap right out there, not knowing what might catch you. But sometimes, it's a leap into something really great. Best wishes in your decision making. I always say do what your heart tells you, like about the suit. Maybe this time, 'it' told you.

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  4. I am retiring, for the same reasons you were looking for a suit. But I love my class and I love teaching. We need disenchanted "younger" teachers to pick up the torch!

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  5. Great time for a break. Time for reflection away from the classroom,
    Good luck,Christy
    Bonnie

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  6. Glad you are enjoying your spring break. Sounds like fun. The tug you feel comes out well in your slice. MaryHelen

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  7. I know what you mean--we are on break now too, but I caught myself thinking of my school kids more than once today. :) I also have a job change coming up (again--it's sort of how my professional life goes) and can relate to your thoughts about "something more".

    By the way--my oldest said that your comment about his appeal to the slicers was his favorite. I think you are his new hero. :) No ballad yet, but he's beefing up his playlists and has started some yard work. He is very determined!

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  8. Not going to lie - your writing has sooooo much voice. Don't worry, you'll find the "more" you are looking for.

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